10 Ways We Can Miss It As Moms

We all want the best for our kids. If we are being honest, as moms, we can really have a lot of fear around the choices we make in rearing our kids. At the same time, life is hard, and we can easily fall into the trap of going into auto-pilot and miss seeing where our kids are at and what they need. We all want to raise honoring, kind humans that love Jesus, but are we shaping those values in them or displacing those characteristics through our own bad behaviors, exhaustion or just lack of awareness? If you’re not seeing what you want to see in your kids, here are a few alerts that might help you to identify a gap in leading your home.

1. Have rules without relationship

Believe it or not kids crave boundaries and discipline. It shows them that they are safe and secure, however when those lines are formed without the gift of relationships they can feel as though they having to perform for approval they can never attain.

2. Have relationship without rules

Let’s be honest, we all want our kids to like us, but I want to give you this truth: you are not called to be their friend, you are called to be their parent. Often friendship follows, but it’s not the goal and there will be times your kid/teen is just not happy with you! That’s likely a result of good parenting. Don’t forsake your family rules for fear of losing relationship. They will come back around, I promise!

3. Don’t follow through

How are we showing our kids how to be successful in life we don’t follow through ourselves? If you tell your kids you are going to xyz, make it happen. If they are grounded don’t cave half way through because it’s inconvenient for you or you just don’t want to deal with it. Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no”!

4. Allow disrespect

Respect should be something that is ingrained into our children and that starts with what happens in our homes and should spill out in how they treat any layer of authority and person from teachers to the grocery clerk. Let the language of your home be honor. Honor their dad, whether you are together or not. Any speech or eye rolling that manifests should be addressed. If they don’t honor others they won’t honor God or themselves. Lead them well by your own conduct.

5. Make your kids the center of your world

If you adjust everything for your child so that they will have what they want or hear what they want you are not setting them up for success. The world just doesn’t work that way, because they are not the center of the world! Teach them to be flexible. Show them that they can’t always have what they want. Make them wait for things. Talk them through hard moments and allow those times to grow them instead of constantly catering to them.

6. Don’t go to church

I’ve heard parents say that their kids/teen doesn’t want to come to church and “I can’t make them..” I’m going to have to disagree with this. What kid wants to go to school? Yet, you make them M-F every week! Whether they get it now or later, you must impart faith to them and the importance of putting God first. A foundation in Christ and Christian community is the biggest gift you can give to your child’s future (even bigger than a college fund!) and it’s totally free! Don’t miss it!

7. Give them no responsibility in your home

Do you want your child to be a giver or a taker? No matter how old they are they can take ownership in your home. Teach them young. Teach them to put their dishes in the sink, their toys in the bin and when they get older give them more and more responsibility. Train their eye to see what you see.

8. Don’t check their phones/social media/messengers

A phone is a responsibility to be stewarded. As a parent, we must parent. In our home I can pick up anyone’s phone and look through their messages, apps, social without any eyerolling or fear because we live our lives out in the open. There should be nothing that is so private it can’t be read. If there is, there is a problem in the parent/teen relationship resulting in inappropriate relationships outside the family. Get to the heart of the issue and set boundaries that are going to set your son/daughter up for success. The enemy wants all of us to hide things, that’s where he works. Let’s teach our kids how to live in the light.

9. Don’t have fun

When was the last time you had a spontaneous moment of fun or something planned for the family to look forward to? I know life gets busy and it is so hard when there is much to do, but don’t miss the moments to make memories. My daughter is graduating in May and all I can think about is how to create time and space for as much fun as possible. Before you know it, your little one will be graduating too. Don’t miss the time for things that don’t matter in the long run.

10. Don’t eat at the dinner table.

I know this may seem old school, but our dinner table is a sacred space. We talk about our day, laugh, serve each other all around the dinner table. Our kids need consistency and they need spaces to interact with you. Plus there’s one good way to get to their hearts: FOOD!

I hope these mommy tips helped you! Just remember that we won’t always get it right, but God makes up the difference when we put Him first!

XO,

Celeste Gonzales